I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
