she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
