Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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