after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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