I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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