I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
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