someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Randomize
