Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I am one with the molecules
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
