Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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