What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
