His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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