Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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