So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
