dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
