I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
