Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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