boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
