all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
