i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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