By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
