I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
