I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
