party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
