update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
