Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
