i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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