I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
