last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
