He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
