i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
