i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
