I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize