how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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