My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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