Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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