my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
