shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
