Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
