You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize