You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
