chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
