Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
