I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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