better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
