Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
