you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
