so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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