I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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