remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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