My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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