life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
