you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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