Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
