i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Randomize
