Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
