I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
