We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
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