HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
