Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
