I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
