SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
