tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize