yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
