Walk of Shame. In a state park.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
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