can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
