am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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