i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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