WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so let's talk penis.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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