I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
