i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
