You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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