the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
