lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
