You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
she pinky promised me she was 18
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize