Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
nutella sex= disaster
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
