i was rollin on her like bob the builder
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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