Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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