He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Randomize
