i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
