Where is the hickey?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
