He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
