nut hugger
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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