Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
