i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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