There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
