i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
