my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize