We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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