Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
