I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
