on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
