I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
