ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
