Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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