ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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