Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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