and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
