she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
