he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
