Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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