i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
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