he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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