JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
