He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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