I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
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