remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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