If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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